Thoughts on Sending My 2-Year-Old to "School"

As I get the clothing, supplies, and other items in order to send my 2-year-old daughter to nursery school, I am finding that my mother-in-law and others think this may be the worst decision I've ever made -- thus making me the worst mother in human history for pushing her out the door too soon.

It's a decision I've been torn about, but my husband and I believe it is the right one for our daughter. Our home is not typical in that we are juggling the needs of multiple generations as well as some very special needs. We don't want our daughter to get lost in that mix. While having Grandma in the house with us comes with numerous blessings, it also presents a few challenges (especially when Mommy and Daddy are old enough to be grandparents ourselves). The same is true for having a young adult who is developmentally about the same age as our daughter, but physically many times her size. While it is heartwarming to see them play together, not all the behaviors our daughter has picked up in the process are appropriate for her, regardless of whether our niece can help what she does or not.

I hope I don't sound cold-hearted. We do want our daughter to love and appreciate every person she meets regardless of age, race, disability, and so on. We believe our home situation will help foster greater empathy for other people, regardless of differences. We are aware of the good that can come from our family structure. But we are also seeing in our daughter a hunger for playmates her own age. Having no young family members nearby, we have often taken her to play with other children at the library, park, mall, and other public play spaces. This has been good for her, and she enjoys it, but there is no regularity in the kids she sees or the behaviors she learns from them. She will never see most of them again and I think on some level she is a little sad about that. One day she asked why there were no little girls or boys who come to her house to play with her. Having been an only child myself, this nearly broke my heart. 

So this is why we're sending our two-year-old to nursery school -- we don't care if she learns phonics or spelling right now. We just want her to have the opportunity to form ongoing relationships with children her age, who share her faith, and whom she will see on a continuing and regular basis. And we are blessed to have found an affordable place where she can spend a couple of days a week outside the home singing songs, playing, and making friends she WILL see again. We are so grateful to have found a co-op of Catholic homeschooling parents who have formed a wonderful little "school" for their children.

And the best part? I don't have to drop my daughter off and leave. I get to stay, help in a variety of ways, and possibly even teach others. I am so excited to get to share this experience with her!  She is not "leaving" me. We are setting out on an adventure together, where she can learn to be independent while still knowing I'm just in the next room if she needs me. To me, that is the best of both worlds.

So even if this does make me the worst mother in the world in the eyes of some, I know my husband and I have made a choice that will bring our daughter joy and put her on the road to making friends and learning at a comfortable pace. This is a time for joy, and loneliness doesn't foster joy.  She's extremely excited about the prospect...so why shouldn't we be? 

Learning to Trust Like the Lilies...

From my senior year in high school until the adoption of my daughter, I've worked in some capacity, almost all of it full-time in the professional realm. So now as I sit out another year at home as a new mother, I am learning how frustrating it is to have very little control over our household income, especially in these difficult economic times. While my lifestyle has never been extravagant, I was always able to dine out on a whim, go on vacation, and buy gifts generously when birthdays and holidays rolled around. Getting married only added to my financial security -- we had two sets of income and only one set of household expenses.

Yet, after the arrival of our daughter, we gladly cut back so I could be home with her during these important and early years. I'm a pretty mean budget-maker and a fairly decent "enforcer". And when it comes to coupons, I have mine neatly arranged by category, store and expiration date. I'm also learning to sell old items on Craig's List and buy in bulk to get more bang for our buck. But despite this, I'm worried. No, I am SCARED.  My husband's income is not meager by any means, but between taxes, a mortgage, insurance, home and auto repairs, and the rising costs of just about everything, the paychecks are gone almost as soon as they come in, and our savings cushion has lost a lot of its once-comfy padding. Gasoline prices keep going up, as do groceries and utilities. And we're among the lucky ones. We haven't had to depend on credit to get by. We've trimmed the "fat" from our lifestyle significantly. We seldom eat out, and fast food chains have become our choices when we do. But making ends meet still stresses me out as I match the bills and the budget against the skinny reality of our checking account.

So what's the good news in all of this? God, of course. He's teaching me an important lesson rather late in life: He's there to get us through and all we have to do is trust in Him.  I've always "known" this in an intellectual sort of way. Yet, my self-reliance has always produced the results I needed, so the lesson never truly sank into practice in my life. Jesus' words in Matthew 6 have so much more meaning for me now than they ever did before:

Do not worry about your life, what you will eat [or drink], or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?

Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin. But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them. If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith? So do not worry and say, "What are we to eat?" or "What are we to drink?"  or "What are we to wear?" All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom [of God] and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.

So there's my challenge - learning to trust like the lilies. Others have learned this lesson so much earlier in life than I. Yet, it's never too late to learn something new. So it's time to close the spreadsheets and turn to prayer -- not for my own needs (because all my family's basic needs are met, and then some) but for others, especially those whose need is so much greater, and those who lack faith and feel hopeless in the face of these tough times.

May God bless our country, our neighbors, and especially our children with faith, true joy, and simple trust in Him!

Just for Fun: Quotable Grace - No. 2

Here are a few more fun quotes from my little Grace. She continues to amaze me with the things she says.

• I want to get married.
• I need an x-ray.
• Daddy, can I have a pet?
• No, Mother.
• You wanna play blocks with me, Mickey Mouse, Yes?
• Do puffer fish drive cars?
• I want to see God.
• Oh No! I don't know how to drive!
• Mommy, I need a favor.
• I so tired of coloring.
• Can I have a cup of sugar, please?
• Is Jesus' owwie like Humpty Dumpty?
• I no like fire quackers.
• Where are all the purple fish?

You Know You're A Stay-At-Home Mom When...

Here are a few tell-tale signs that you may be a stay-at-home mom, based on my experience. I'd love to add yours to the list!

1. You know the names of all the Sesame Street characters.
2. You prefer the original yellow Wiggle to the new guy.
3. You catch yourself chatting with telemarketers.
4. You have a dirty diaper in one hand and a pizza coupon in the other.
5. You catch yourself saying things like "I mean it...I'm not kidding!"
6. Going to the supermarket is the high point of the day.
7. You've run out of ideas for things to make out of construction paper, pipe cleaners, and other craft supplies.
8. You have a day of the week devoted to scrubbing crayons and washable marker graffiti off the furniture and the walls.
9. You have a favorite diaper commercial.
10. Laundry has become as second-nature to you as breathing.

A Prayer from My Past

A few years after I came into the Catholic Church in 2004, I discovered in my dusty NIV Bible something of a treasure -- a prayer I had scribbled inside the cover more than a decade earlier. I had written it just before the communion portion of the worship service. The prayer goes like this:

Jesus, live in me.

Make my heart your home.
With your love inside me,
I can never feel alone.
Fill each empty longing
With your love
and joyful peace.
Jesus, live inside me.
May you be found in me.

Of course, at the time I actually wrote these words, I viewed them as a metaphorical expression of my desire to be more like Jesus. I had no idea that God could or would answer this prayer in a literal way. But He did.

Today, Communion is no longer symbolic. I have tasted the Love, the utter Light of Jesus who transforms bread and wine into His very own Body and Blood. Regardless of what I see and taste, I know now without a doubt that He is not only with me. He is inside me.

In fact, the moment I realized what was happening amid all the "excessive ceremony" (as I perceived it during the first few masses I visited) was an expression of what Catholics believe. We kneel. We genuflect. We honor God physically present among us in the humble disguise of bread and wine. But until the moment I "got it", the liturgy seemed overdone.

But then it happened. The priest elevated the bread as he said the words of consecration, "This is my body." Wait a minute, I thought. If those words were actually true, I'd kneel and genuflect too. That's when it hit me. I believed in a God who was all-powerful. Why couldn't it be true? And why would Jesus say those words if it weren't true?

Everything I knew of Scripture only supported the truth that confronted me. As the Church, we are Christ's body and His bride. How does that happen? By allowing Him to enter our hearts, not just emotionally or spiritually, but physically, in order to transform us. And once inside us, He accompanies us and helps us know His Father's will, while still allowing us the freedom to choose God's will for ourselves in every circumstance of our lives. He fulfills our longing and unites himself to us intimately in an embrace of pure and absolute Love that burns from within and radiates from us to others in love of neighbor. 

Now, I am able to remember God's mercy and grace every time I receive Christ during the celebration of the Eucharist. He heard and answered my prayer, and I remember and cherish the words of this prayer as I savour the sweetness of His Presence within.

Just for Fun -- Quotable Grace

This list is short, but I'm sure it will grow over time. Below are my favorite quotes from our adorable little toddler:

1. Jesus, Mary, Apple Juice (instead of "Jesus, Mary, Joseph"?)
2. Holy God, have some lemonade (we think she was trying to sing "Holy God, We Praise Thy Name")
3. Show me the thunder...
4. Mommy, can I drive?
5. Mommy, what's that? (approximately 500 to 1000 times per day).
6. Hey, boy, what you doing? (making friends at the lake).
7. Mamma, I want "nose get" (her way of saying "music").
8. Mamma, I love you.
9. That-a-that (this one is about a year or so old...it was her only word besides Mamma and Dadda).
10. And now....I princess!
11. This old man, he had a farm, E I E I O !
12. I need shoes, Dadda.

Have a blessed day!

In Good Time

In the beginning, there was now. We ate, we slept, we played. Then came later, and we were able to look forward to Christmas and to birthdays. before that, though, there was then, which allowed us to remember Christmases and birthdays past, and to talk about yesterday's trip to the zoo. We dreamed of never-never land, believed in forever, and hoped for ever after.

Then, little by little, we learned to chop the eternal now into smaller pieces -- eons, millenia, eras, epochs, ages, centuries, decades, years, seasons, quarters, months, weeks, an occasional fortnight, the all-adored Weekend, days, hours, half-hours, minutes, seconds, moments, milliseconds, and beyond.

This great human innovation allows us to pace ourselves, to arrive promptly for meetings, to pick up the tempo in our music, to have rhythm, and to enjoy two periods of Kentucky basketball. We can synchronize our watches, take time-outs, earn overtime after hours, become millionaires in an instant, and change our oil in a jiffy.

At best, we remember the past, live in the present, and plan for the future.

At worst, we rush, hurry, hasten and scurry until we become so weary we must call a time-out, take a break, and seize the day.

It's no wonder we enjoy timeless classics, pay heed to age-old wisdom, and contemplate eternity.