The BIG Question: Are YOU Ready to be a Deacon's Wife?

It's been nearly five years since my husband Scott began discerning whether he might be called to serve as a deacon in the Catholic Church. It's a long process, so there's been a lot of time for him to consider whether this is where God wants him to be.
 
All along the way, I've been a part of the process. I've answered many questions. Yes, I feel he may be called. Yes, I think he's ready. Yes, I know it won't be easy. Yes, I support him 100 percent.

But then came the question I never saw coming:  So, are YOU ready to be a Deacon's Wife?

Hold on, I thought. A Deacon's Wife? Aren't "they" wise beyond their years, poised and calm in every situation, capable of calming the most rambunctious CCD class without blinking an eye, and able to leap tall pot-luck menus in a single bound? 

They're a different breed of women, for sure -- like superwives.  They're always there to help, and they never complain or find themselves searching for just the right words to say when someone's just lost a loved one or made a really bad decision that begs for better advice.

I stammered for a minute. "Um....I hadn't thought of it that way before," was the best answer I could muster. I remembered one day, early in the process, when there was a row of about five or six of these amazing women sitting before me. I drank in their advice eagerly and filed it away in a mental folder labeled "Someday". What was it they said? I should have taken notes! 

This whole time I've listened to the theology, cultivated a healthy respect for the liturgical rubrics, and even learned to say the Liturgy of the Hours on my own, without Scott having to mark the pages for me anymore. But as we prepare to leave the classroom environment and enter true "service" mode, I notice more and more eyes on me and mine (which includes a very noisy and energetic 3-year-old who seldom stays quiet during mass). I'm suddenly feeling inadequate and unsure of where I fit into this new role.  I'm pretty certain there's not even one liturgical supply company that offers a spousal "cloak of invisibility," though any company that could produce such a thing would certainly add to their sales revenue in no short order.

 No, there's no way around it, I thought. I am NOT ready. I'm willing. But I'm not ready. So being the procrastinator that I am, I set the question aside for a while, just like Scarlett O'Hara. "I'll think about that tomorrow, at Tara," she would often say, and so do I. Never mind that in my closet there's a box of things I've never decided what to do with (aptly labeled, "Tara"). But this question just won't fit in the box. So what else could I do, but "blog it out?" And at just about this point the words stop coming.

True, some answers flash quickly through my mind. God will give you what you need.  It's not about you.  But they sound so much like lines from a greeting card that I just don't know.... maybe ... if you're one of the superwives. My husband's potential ordination comes with an alb, a dalmatic, and a stole. But as far as I know, there's no "Superwife" cape for me, and no cloak of invisibility either. And now I'm smack dab in the middle of a huge "blog it out" question that I have no idea how to answer.

And then I hear it, that quiet little voice:  "Mommy, I threw up."

I immediately stop typing and take my daughter into my arms. I gather a washcloth, towel, and change of clothes for her. I take her to her room and clean her up. Then I clean "it" up (God does bestow on us mothers a grace I call "Love's Iron Stomach"). I soothe her, caress her, and hold her in my arms until she's sound asleep again.

Then I return to the laptop and ask myself, what was I saying? Oh yeah, the Hallmark answers that don't seem to ring true.

God gives you what you need. Well... Maybe... Yes. Definitely! He did, in fact, just send a sign (and a messy one, at that). Could it be that this "Deacon's Wife" thing is a lot like motherhood? You start out willing, but unprepared.

It's not about you. It's about the little one(s) God has given you. You may not be ready, but they still need you.  Somehow, out of love and joy for these little blessings called children, you "do your best, and forgive the rest."

Before long, you know what's coming. From out of no where, you have the patience, and the iron stomach, to do it. Then, one day over coffee, you're able to smile to yourself when your single friends say things like, "I could never do that." But you know they can, and they will, someday, when the time is right.

And so it is. I am not yet what I'll need to be. But I love my husband, and even more so, I love my Lord. And I love the Church he's given us here on earth. I'll do what I need to, one day at a time, because I love them.

God will give me what I need. I know it won't come all at once, just like the graces of motherhood. There will be mistakes (forgiveable ones, I pray).

And it's not about me.  Becasue  if it were, I'd never be able to do it.  

And ... the best is yet to come.  Wait, wasn't that a Carpenters' song?

No, we've only just begun.  Lord willing, we shall.

Mary, Ark of the Covenant, Pray for Us!

What touches me tonight, as I think of the great struggle in our nation to save the unborn and protect our religous freedom from recent attacks, is how we as God's people are now engaged in a great battle -- one of ideals and allegiances. Yet, though many of us ask our Blessed Mother for her intercession, few of us call on her in her capacity as the Ark of the New Covenant (http://www.catholic.com/magazine/articles/mary-the-ark-of-the-new-covenant ).  Would this not be apprpopriate, since God himself revealed her to us as the Ark in Revelation 12? In the Old Testament, God's people carried the Ark of the Covenant with them into battle and were victorious.  Should we not also trust the Ark of the New Covenant as we battle the culture of death around us?

To her I've offered my rosary for our Nation this evening.  Please join me in prayer and petitions that Our Lady, the Ark of the New Covenant, will intercede for us in this battle, along with St. Micahel and all the Holy Angels and Saints in Heaven. May God be victorious, and may His mercy bring into to full conversion and communion with us all who oppose the sanctity of human life.


ROSARIES TO OUR LADY, ARK OF THE NEW COVENANT, as of 2/3/12:  4
Add your rosaries to the count by commenting below and letting me know how many to add to the count above.  If the list grows too fast, I'll find a way to add a counter : )  I'm so "low tech"....

Sending My Two-Year-Old to School: Five Months Later, She's Blooming



E is for Elephant -- Grace works on a craft at home
during one of our "not at co-op" school days.



Last September, my daughter and I enrolled as student and teacher at a homeschool co-op in our area.  I had my doubts, and my reasons, for starting her out so young.

Those first few weeks tore me up inside, and there were even days when I wanted to give up. But, somehow, I stuck with it. And as the school year continues, I see more and more evidence that my husband and I made the right choice.

Grace has fully transitioned into the routine, and no longer tags along with me to the classes I teach. In fact, yesterday she went skipping down the hall to her classroom and said "Bye, Mom" so matter-of-factly that I stood there dazed for just a moment (Wait! I thought. You're not even going to cry for me, just a little?).  She plays well with the other kids now, has friends, helps her teachers, and comes running into my arms at lunchtime and at the end of the day!  Of course, she's not perfect and still has her off days, but overall things are going as they should.

The only regret I have at this point is that for the first few months I spent such a big chunk of my "not at school" time working on lesson plans, lecture outlines, and grading that I didn't get to spend as much fun time with my daughter as I would have liked. And for the first four months, I didn't get around to our "at home" curriculum at all.

Now, as the second half of the year is well underway, I've been able to resume our home lessons.  Today was one of those days when a breakthrough happens and can't go unmentioned.  She's coloring inside the lines, and able to trace some of the easier letters of the alphabet.  She's counting, reciting her ABCs well, and knows almost all of her basic colors and shapes.  Her vocabulary is impressive. And she's able to follow directions so much better than when we started out. 

Sure, much of this would have happened anyway since she just turned three recently. But, by homeschooling, I SEE it -- the fine motor skill development, the social play at school, and the seeds of independence that will no doubt haunt me and make me proud in years to come.  And there are 19 other children in my heart now, as well.  These are my students. I look forward to seeing them each week, hearing their stories, and sharing what I can of our faith with them in the classes I teach.  They are such good kids! 

And finally, I must not forget to mention the friendships that are growing between me and the other moms at the co-op.  It is so refreshing to share ideas, offer sympathy (on those really, really bad days), and know there's someone else who understands what it's like to always walk around with a handful of dry erase markers in  your purse that don't really write any more.

It's all been such a rich journey for us.  I know there are wonderful curricula out there for families who don't want to be bound by the choices others have made. I had my "ideal curriculum" chosen also. But without the co-op experience, I don't think I'd have the confidence to do it on my own.  I am one who can easily overdo it and expect too much, too soon.  So seeing what other children in my daughter's class can and can't do at this age has helped me go into this with much more realistic expectations.

The adventure is still ongoing, but I'm ready and willing to call it a success.  I can't wait to see how we're doing when the school year ends in May.  Maybe then I'll clean out my purse ...

Our "math" work -- not my favoite subject to teach,
but we still managed to have some fun and
do some counting.

No Swimming in the Holy Water!

Someday there's gonna be very loud splash before mass!

Who Needs A Trendy Tree?

Our Homey Hodge-Podge of Old & New Memories Can't Be Beat

 

My daughter and I made wooden ornaments like this one,
using markers and glue pens.



Once upon a time, long, long ago, I had a carefully balanced mix of silver and blue ornaments, silver garland, and twinkly white lights adorning a lovely white Christmas tree. It was such a perfect work of art. Or so I thought.

Now, whether visiting the dentist or the mall, I see trees adorned in far more stylish themes -- from all-out Disney to fairies, to glittery fish.  Yes, I said fish. There are sports themes, based on your favorite team's colors, logos and mascot. There are designer themes, so carefully crafted and sparkly that one would be afraid to touch them. When it comes right down to it, there are so many design options out there that just about anyone can find something that will  have folks buzzing over his or her creativity and unique holiday touch over the cookies and egg nog.



One of my faorites -- a photo of my husband as a boy, with
his parents and little sister. Both his Dad and Sister have
passed away, so this photo gives us a way to  keep
them with us at Christmas time.

 And if you'd asked me a dozen or so years ago what I thought about this plethora of yuletide personality, I would have filled a cart with such goodies and dashed for the checkout counter.  Not so, today.

Today, I have a family. Not just a "Mommy-Daddy-Kids" kind of family, mind you. I have a full-on, Waltons' style, multi-generational home with Grandma and Cousin Cathy, too. It's the equivalent of a four-generation household, with decades of memories and a basement obstacle course of over a dozen plastic tubs full of Christmas ornaments, lights, decorations, stockings and other odds and ends.



A tin treasure from my
husband's "bachelor" days



This can lead to a pretty baroque sort of tree, mind you. Especially when you add up all the ornaments of each individual family member. We have some "back when we were dating" souvenir ornaments, special wedding keepsake ornaments, old and new  "baby's first Christmas" treasures, new home ornaments, favorite pet ornaments, photo ornaments, cloth ornaments, vacation keepsakes, lace ornaments, candy cane ornaments, inspirational ornaments, and some very special ornaments from family members who are  no longer with us. There are those handmade treasures my niece brought home from school as a girl. And those she and my daughter create today.  Some are nearly falling apart. Others have barely had time for the glitter glue to dry.

  

Certainly, those specialty ornaments so prevalent today have their place, and I suspect it is among the young, those with a lifetime of memories yet to be made, companies needing to promote their "brand," doctors' and dentists' offices, and those folks whose hobbies are so much a part of their lives that their trees are a fitting extension of their personalities.

 

A reminder of  our basset hound, Jackie,
 beside a handmade cloth and cotton
Santa my Mother-In-Law received
from a friend decades ago.



But after so many Christmasses as I have enjoyed, nothing takes the place of a sitting on the living room floor amid giant plastic tubs of memories next to a real, live evergreen tree that fills the whole house with the smell of joyful anticipation. It's a ritual to be treasured. Perhaps it takes our family so long to decorate the tree because we pause and tell the stories behind each ornament, so our daughter and niece can appreciate them as well.    

 

When I look at them all together, I see something so truly unique that my heart swells with happiness. These are the memories of our childhood, of "romance," of commitment, challenges, loss,  blessings, and just plain fun. It's a theme so unique no store can replicate it, and so common every family has one. 

May God bless you and yours this Christmas season -- whether you're decking the halls with the latest trend or a mountain of fine memories! 

Merry Christmas!



Thoughts On Sending My 2-Year-Old to School: An Update on the Experiment So Far

Was I wrong to send my 2-year-old to school?

We're six weeks into the school year now, and there's been a lot of adjusting ... but a routine seems to have emerged. 

Grace is in school twice a week, for a full day. I am teaching four classes, and I am with her in the nursery for the remaining three periods, as well as at mass, lunch and recess. Initially, she stayed in the nursery while I taught, but I could not bear hearing her cry for me as I dropped her off. Being just across the hall, I could hear her screams go on for what seemed forever. I couldn't concentrate.  I just wanted to give up, take her in my arms, and run.

But we had her best interest in mind when we started, and I couldn't see myself backing out and leaving my students without a teacher. So now she is with me when I teach, sitting at a table with crayons, coloring book, puzzles, and whatever else I can think of to entertain her for a 40 or 50 minute block of time. I just have to make it a priority to hide the dry erase markers each time, so she doesn't come home with more of those abstract works of art on her arms and face.

She says she enjoys going to school now that I don't 'abandon' her to the nursery.  She really likes coming to class with me. And when we get home, it's fun to watch her mimick me as she teaches her teddy bears that God made them, and gives them occasional permisson for bathroom breaks.



Having fun with the other children at the All Saints Party.

 She knows the names of most of the children in the nursery now, and the answers to some of the kids' catechism questions! She really loves the babies in the nursery, and being with the first grade class. As they color the pages of their prayer book project, she does the same right there with them.

Her behavior at mass has really changed over the past few weeks. She is learning to sit quietly without snacks or apple juice. I don't bring toys for her. She still likes to stack and play with the missals, but at least she's much more quiet than before. She doesn't talk through the mass any more. She still moves around a lot...and I have to see that there's someone on the other end of the pew so there's no route of escape to the holy water font / pool in the back.  Someday, I am sure we'll all hear a big splash. I just hope she's not the one who takes the plunge (a number of our toddlers share her fascination for the holy water font).

She's learning to be around other children, though she can't focus on one thing for long enough to really enjoy playing with another child very long. There are sweet moments, and those that result in time-outs. But she is learning...gradually...how to get along.  The sweetest thing has been seeing her learn to "watch out" for those she feels are younger than her, even if the difference in age is only a few months.  She makes it her misson to be sure the littlest ones have toys, even if they are too young to actually play with them. At least she's sharing! Sometimes. I won't mention the tug-o-wars over building blocks or train tracks with those closest to her own age.

I also enjoy watching her run with the others at recess. The joy on her face is immense.  And my heart gets a good warm/fuzzy coat as I see the older children watching out for her making sure she knows where I'm at (recess is the one time when she ISN'T clinging to me, it seems...though she still likes to know where I am, just in case).

All in all, my doubts are fewer. I'm enjoying the company of the other homeschooling moms, and the chance to break up our old routine with this new adventure.  If all she learns this year is to "play nice," make friends, and have fun, then mission accomplished!

Just for Fun: Quotable Grace, No. 3

Why birthday cake at bedtime is a bad idea ; )

• Macaroni's don't grow in a garden. They live in a can.
• Jesus is Christ and the Father. He eats food and loves children. (her own made-up song).
• Mommy and me we're best friends.
• Mommy, my skeleton hurts.
• I wanna have a tea party with my Daddy.
• Pleeeeeeease, Mommy!
• I wanna see the big pumpkin.
• I no love you Mommy. Hold me.
• Those little people! They fireworks wake me up!
• My crayons! Mommy! My crayons! (while sleeping).